What Men and Women Should Know—Career, Marriage, and Parenthood Require Advance Planning
Around the year 2000, I read an article in Newsweek that stayed with me for a long time. The article described how a journalist interviewed many highly successful women leaders in business, academia, and government, and discovered an unexpected common pattern: although these women had achieved remarkable professional success, a considerable number of them had no children.
What made this troubling was not the idea that a person cannot have a happy life without children. Rather, further interviews revealed that many of these women had not actively chosen to remain childless. When they were younger, they had thought about marriage and having children. But by the time they had the resources, time, and genuine readiness to become mothers, they found that having children had become more difficult.
They had not necessarily failed to make a choice. Instead, because they did not understand the timing of fertility, they may have missed an opportunity they had once hoped to have.
This article later led me to consider an important question: We should all learn as early as possible which things in life can be postponed and which things cannot be postponed entirely according to our plans.
I. Careers Can Develop Gradually, but Fertility Has Its Own Timeline
Modern society offers women more and more opportunities.
A young woman may enter college at 18 and graduate with a bachelor’s degree at 22. If she continues on to a master’s degree, she may be 24 to 27 by the time she finishes. If she then pursues a doctorate, she may already be approaching 30. Medical training takes even longer; from undergraduate education through medical school and residency, it often requires more than ten years.
This means that a young woman may spend her twenties in the most important stages of her education and career development.
She may think:
> “First I’ll finish my bachelor’s degree, then I’ll pursue a master’s.
> After completing my master’s, I’ll consider a doctorate.
> Once I finish my doctorate, I’ll look for an ideal job.
> When my career is stable, I’ll think about marriage and children.”
This way of thinking is completely understandable.
The problem is that education and career timelines can be arranged by people; fertility, however, does not entirely follow our plans.
According to information from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), female fertility is relatively high during the twenties, begins to decline around age 30, and generally declines more rapidly after age 35. By age 45, natural pregnancy has become very difficult. (ACOG)
This does not mean that women cannot have children after 30, nor does it mean that every woman will encounter problems after 35. In fact, many women become pregnant and give birth to healthy children after the age of 35.
However, as age increases, it may take longer to become pregnant, and the risks of miscarriage and certain pregnancy complications may also increase.
Therefore, the important point is not to memorize a particular “deadline,” but to understand that fertility is not a resource that can be stored indefinitely and used whenever one is ready after completing a career.
II. Why Does Female Fertility Change with Age?
There is an important biological distinction here.
Women are born with most of the oocytes they will have throughout their lives. As they age, the number of oocytes gradually decreases, and their quality also changes.
Men are different. After reaching adulthood, men continue to produce new sperm.
But this does not mean that men can completely ignore age. Sperm quality can also change as men grow older, and certain fertility and genetic risks may increase.
A more accurate way to put it is:
Female fertility is primarily affected by age-related changes in the number and quality of eggs. Although men continue to produce new sperm, age can also affect sperm quality and reproductive outcomes.
This is why it is inaccurate to assume:
> “Men can still have children at 50 without any problem, while women are no longer able to have children after 30.”
That statement is both inaccurate and misleading.
A more accurate conclusion is this: Men and women have different reproductive patterns, but both should understand how age can affect fertility.
III. Why Do More People Now Need Medical Help with Fertility?
When they are young, many people think:
> “I don’t want children now. I can have them later when I’m ready.”
But having children is not entirely like buying a home, changing jobs, or pursuing further education—something that can be arranged according to a personal timetable.
ACOG notes that as women age, their chances of becoming pregnant decline, while the risk of miscarriage increases. (ACOG)
This is one reason why more people in real life need fertility evaluations, assisted reproductive treatment, or other forms of medical support.
However, it is important to clarify something here: we should not simply say that “there are now more infertility clinics on the streets than pharmacies,” nor should we attribute all infertility problems to a woman’s age.
Infertility may be related to female factors, male factors, factors affecting both partners, or causes that cannot be clearly identified. Male factors account for a significant proportion of infertility cases as well.
Therefore, the meaningful response is not to blame one another, but to ensure that both men and women understand fertility and seek professional help when necessary.
IV. Why Do the Risks of Pregnancy Increase with Age?
As women age, the likelihood of chromosomal abnormalities in their eggs increases. This is one reason why older pregnant women need to pay closer attention to prenatal screening and diagnostic testing.
For example, Down syndrome is a genetic condition associated with an extra copy of chromosome 21. The risk of Down syndrome increases with maternal age, particularly after age 35.
But a common misunderstanding must be corrected:
Increasing age does not mean that a woman will necessarily have a child with a genetic condition.
Modern medicine offers a variety of prenatal screening and diagnostic methods that can help expectant parents understand the health of the fetus and make informed decisions under the guidance of medical professionals.
The appropriate attitude, therefore, is not panic, but preparation:
> “I understand that age may increase certain risks, so I will learn about them in advance, plan ahead, and undergo medical testing if necessary.”
V. Why Do Some Women Achieve Career Success but Have No Children?
I believe the most important question is not “Why do women choose not to have children?” but rather:
Why do some women fail to realize when they are young that having children is also an important part of life that may require advance planning?
A person may spend ten years planning her education:
• Which major to choose;
• Whether to pursue a master’s degree;
• Whether to pursue a doctorate;
• Which school to attend;
• Which industry to enter;
• When to change jobs;
• When to seek a promotion.
Yet some people never seriously plan:
• Whether they want to marry;
• Whether they want children;
• If they want children, approximately when they hope to have them;
• How to balance education, career, and family;
• What options they would be willing to consider if they encountered fertility difficulties in the future.
This does not mean that women must give up their careers in order to have children.
On the contrary, I believe that true female independence should include understanding one’s body, understanding one’s choices, and having the ability to arrange one’s life according to one’s own wishes.
If a woman clearly decides that she does not want children, that is her freedom.
If a woman wants to develop her career first and consider family later, that is also her freedom.
But if a woman actually hopes to have children and keeps postponing parenthood by saying “I’ll think about it later,” only to discover eventually that fulfilling this wish has become difficult, then that possibility deserves serious consideration.
VI. Men Should Understand This Too: Responsibility for Parenthood Should Not Fall Entirely on Women
Some men may think:
> “Women have more difficulty becoming pregnant after their thirties, while men can still father children at 50, so having children is mainly a woman’s responsibility.”
This view is neither fair nor accurate.
Although men continue to produce new sperm, advancing age may also affect sperm quality and reproductive outcomes. Research has linked increasing paternal age with changes in sperm quality, certain genetic risks, and reproductive outcomes. (PubMed Central (PMC))
Therefore, having children is a shared responsibility between men and women, and the entire burden should not be placed on women.
If a man hopes to have children in the future, he should also seriously consider:
• When he hopes to marry;
• Whether he wants children;
• Whether he is willing to take responsibility for a family;
• Whether he is willing to support his partner’s career;
• Whether he is willing to face fertility-related issues together with his partner.
A truly mature man should not think only about his own career development. He should also consider what kind of family he hopes to build.
VII. Education and Career Matter, but Life Should Not Have Only One Timeline
I place great importance on education, and I strongly support women pursuing careers.
A young woman can pursue a master’s degree or a doctorate. She can become a doctor, lawyer, professor, entrepreneur, or government leader.
All of these are highly respectable life choices.
However, I also believe that education and career are not the entirety of life.
Life also includes marriage, family, children, parents, friends, and many other important relationships.
Some things can be done later.
For example:
• Pursuing a master’s degree after 40;
• Pursuing a doctorate after 50;
• Learning a new field after retirement;
• Continuing to improve oneself at any age.
But fertility is not entirely free from age-related limits.
Therefore, if a young woman hopes to have children in the future, she should learn about fertility as early as possible and include parenthood in her broader life planning.
This does not mean asking her to give up her career. It means helping her avoid future regret caused by a lack of understanding about fertility.
VIII. What Matters Most Is Making Your Own Choice After Becoming Informed
I do not believe the ideal life is one in which every woman has children before 30, nor do I believe that every woman must develop her career before considering a family.
The truly ideal situation is this:
Everyone should be able to make choices that suit them after becoming fully informed.
Some women may want to marry and have children in their twenties and then continue developing their careers.
Some may want to marry and have children in their thirties.
Some may want to complete a doctorate before considering family life.
Some may not want children at all.
All of these choices should be respected.
But if a woman hopes to have children, she should understand this:
> **A career can be restarted. Education can be resumed. Many life goals can be rearranged. Fertility, however, has its own timeline.**
Therefore, learning about fertility when young and thinking carefully about what one truly wants is often more valuable than discovering the issue only after it has become a problem.
Conclusion
I am not writing this article to tell women when they should marry or have children. Nor am I suggesting that women should give up their careers for the sake of parenthood.
I simply hope that all young people—especially young women—can learn these important facts about fertility as early as possible.
One of life’s greatest regrets may not be that you chose not to take a particular path, but that you once hoped to take it and ultimately lost the opportunity because you did not understand the realities involved.
We hope that everyone can live the life they truly want.
If you want a career, work hard to develop it.
If you want a family, plan for it thoughtfully.
If you want children, learn about fertility as early as possible.
The best life choices are not those made for you by others, but those you make for yourself after understanding all the important information.
